Suffocation

 

I am feeling sufficated.Cant sleep.

Wakeup,Rush to office,work and pretend to behave content and satisfied with all you have,eat lunch,work and pretend,go home when done,eat dinner and try to sleep.Struggle to sleep.Surf web.Feel exhausted and then fall asleep.Repeat.

I just think ,think and think all the time.Feeling helpless and suffocated.Feeling worthless as I can’t do what I should be doing.Just watch from distance.Near one getting older, near onelost in life,near ones suffering. But I cant do anything. Just pretend to be busy with something useless as useless like replying texts or reading all op-eds till you fall asleep.

Feeling suffocated.Just submit your self to achieve goals set by others to prove your worth.Everyone judging you on the basis of your sacrifice for their goals.I m tired.I m exhausted.

Why I have to be brave,practical and sensible all the time.Why I can’t be irresponsible to the point of no return.Why I have to work hard to prove my abilities. Why i have to show myself happy for others sake.Why I have to always make-up for sake of relationship.Why I have to live up to each and every expectations of people around me.Why I have to sacrifice what I want.Why things can’t be just normal like in others life.Not Great just Normal so that I could sleep well. No bad dreams.Dont know if it is indication of something worse lined up ahead.

Talking to self is so boring and sad.

I think God knows that no one is more dangerous than me if am happy. So he will give you something which is beyond your control.To keep you distaracted.

Suffer.